Mindful Couple Coaching in Cologne,
Online and in Person Couple Counselling
Couple Counselling:
Mindful Support, Clarification and Conflict Resolution
Each relationship is unique.
It provides a permanent opportunity to practice love, mindfulness, trust, acceptance and respect.
A couples relationship can create the space to grow individually and with each other - or to get bogged down in power struggles, expectations and demands.
Sometimes love seems to disappear in the often strenuous everyday routine. There is no energy left for needs and wishes of one or both partners. Stress, expectations and constrained communication and behavioral patterns complicate dealing with each other in an appreciative way. Old, often unconscious bondage violations cause one or both partners to withdraw from the relationship
Frequent Topics of Couples in Coaching (Selection):
- "I feel constricted and want more freedom in our relationship."
- "I miss being close to you."
- "My independence has been lost in our marriage."
- "I'm afraid that you´ll leave me."
- "I'm sick of how you deal with money and possessions."
- "We no longer talk with each other."
- "I am overwhelmed with work and would like to share the household responsibilities.“
- "What is actually left of our common interests?"
- "The kids live their own life now. So what about us?"
- "I feel helpless, when you behave so dominantly."
- "I want other sex with you."
Lack of Communication in the Relationship
Over the course of time, many couples develop "silent contracts." They no longer communicate openly. They no longer dare to show themselves and their feelings. They believe since they know their partners, they can anticipate the other´s behavior and withdraw in order to avoid conflict.
Often secrets, lies, or non-communication becomes the underlying basis of a stuck relationship. Sometimes one or even both partners try to escape into an affair.
In the couples counselling process, you´ll learn to communicate with each other again in an open, mindful and authentic way.
Mindful Couple Coaching
For me the most important key, whether coaching singles or couples, is mindfulness.
In a safe atmosphere, I support both partners to meet each other again with openness and mutual appreciation.
Conflicts, which might have burdened the relationship for a long time, can then be approached from a different perspective in order to be accepted and finally resolved. Sometimes in a couples conflict we might have to see if the underlying issue stems from a boundary violation in early childhood which might influence the dynamics of the relationship.
The Partner as a Mirror
When we are in relationship, our partner acts – consciously or unconsciously – like a mirror.
She or he will probably perceive subpersonalities within you, which you yourself
often cannot or do not want to see. It requires courage to recognize this fact and to accept it.
It also offers a chance to grow together and allow your connection to deepen.
When you as a couple succeed to connect in a new mindful, open and respectful way,
healing can happen. You will learn to see the issues which burden you from a new angle.
From this new place change is possible – step by step.
Your relationship can become a journey to research how to connect in a new way.
Sometimes however, a couple coaching process can lead to the conclusion, that a separation
is the right way. In this case I´ll also accompany you mindfully and competently.
Free preliminary talk on request
If you wish, we have a preliminary talk via Zoom.
It takes about 30 minutes and is an opportunity to get to know each other and exchange all the necessary information.
You describe your concerns to me.
On which topic of your couple relationship would you like to progress? Which conflicts do you want to resolve or which changes are you aiming for?
I will give you an assessment of whether I am the right person for your concerns and explain how couples counselling works.
In addition, I will explain my conditions as a Couple Coach and answer your questions about the course of our sessions.
If we decide to work together online, I will send you a Coaching Agreement Contract. Please sign and mail it back. Details for the calls will then be made.
What do Couple-Coaching sessions with me look like?
I provide a safe space to discuss what is important to you. I support and challenge you with mindful feedback, questions, and assignments to work on between our sessions.
Sometimes I will suggest single Sessions for one or both of you. This is often very useful to mobilize certain ressources which can help in strengthening the relationship.
I also offer longer Sessions and Intensive Coaching Packages for one or more days.
If you choose to work with me, we schedule our appointments via Zoom, or in Person in my Practice in Cologne.
Couple Coaching Sessions last appr. 50 or 80 minutes.
How many Couple Coaching sessions?
This question cannot be answered in general. Each couple is different. Because we work very effectively and solution oriented, you will achieve tangible results already after a few sessions. Yet, it ultimately depends on your responsibility and progress. Sometimes results need a longer period of time. This is usually the case when we work with very complex issues.
You can book single Coaching-Sessions as well as Coaching-Packages of 6 or 12 Sessions at special rates.
Couple-Coaching-Sessions always have an effect. That's why it is sometimes good to schedule weekly appointments.
Sometimes it is more appropriate to leave more time between the appointments in order for you to process and integrate the newly acquired information and experience into your relationship.
We were looking for couples coaching and found an open, warm and trusting atmosphere with Kirsten Pape right from the first session. She humorously held up a mirror to us, showed us what we had in common and helped us find ways to more harmony and balanced togetherness. In the sessions we both felt noticed and appreciated and after a short time we already noticed positive changes in our togetherness.
After the couple coaching, I decided to let Kirsten continue to accompany me on my path. I always feel welcome, noticed and taken along, I take a treasure of new suggestions with me after each session, and I have the feeling that I can continue to become the person I want to be. She often works intuitively, with different methods (which are often surprisingly simple and at the same time impressively effective and sustainable!) and is always ready to spontaneously engage with what moves me at the moment. I am infinitely grateful for this powerful support!"
S.T., Cologne